How Vermont Are you?

WARNING! Read or take this quiz before you continue perusing this entry!!!!

I just took an online quiz called "how Vermont are you?" It says I'm 85% Vermont and that really gets my goat. Granted, it does begin with a disclaimer claiming the quiz to be Burlington-centric. But as much as I adore Btown, anyone who's from Vermont knows that Burlington is the least "Vermonty" town available. And, HELLO! A Vermont redneck, or 'rierd, is not a dirt-bag!!!! I mean, their bags may have dirt in them, but.....

The disclaimer also suggests for the offended NEKer to make their own quiz. Well, I may do that, but I feel the need to defend myself before attacking the root of the problem.

Like I said, Vt rednecks are not dirt-bags. I'm not sure what it means to be a red-neck in other parts of the country, but in Vermont, it is a title to be proud of. It indicates a first hand knowledge of the land, and your truck, which you use every day with purpose. And while there may be some vanity surrounding the afor-mentioned vehicle, it generally has a LOT more to do with it's function than it's form. And there are a hell of a lot more red-necks in Milton and Saint Albans than all the transplants in Winooski put together. No self-respecting red would live that far from good hunting ground. They've got a family to feed, and family comes first! Followed very closely by drinkin' and huntin' buddies.

Even though there was a bitter rivalry between the rednecks and the crunchies in my High School, I knew at the time that we were over-generalising each other. My friends were always a generous mixture of both. The rednecks more hippie in their knowledge of living off the land and their love of fresh herb, and the crunchies more country in their love of loud vehicles and the keg parties that were always happening in some one's back field. That was where I saw the best connection. We were all bored and loved to party. And when it came to the generous bounty of nature in that arena, we all could agree that the good lord had blessed us. (wink!)

If I really wanted gravy fries, I would ask for poutine in Quebec.

There are so many amazing Vermont beers that kick Magic Hat #9's as$, that most real Vermonters either drink Budweiser or know someone who makes better beer than that.

A better question to ask about Champ is: how did s/he survive the ice-age? Maybe I'm biased because I know the answer.

Of course you're going to swim in lake Champlain if you live in Btown. But there is some of the best, cleanest, leach and algae free swimming to be had all over the state, and most "real" Vermonters know of a few. The real question is: "how many shots does it take before you're skinny-dipping at north beach with acquaintances you've always wanted to get to know better in the middle of the night?" Or "how many Vermont waterfalls have you been to & can name off the top of your head?" Both are legitimate questions that will reveal one's true origins.

Now, on the question of tourists asking directions. This is a tricky one, because if the destination is a legitimate, economy-boosting tourist trap, most Vermonters are somewhat proud of it and want to get the tourist to go there and spend some dough. But, if the destination is considered a local treasure in danger of being overrun, a true Vermonter will either lie and say they don't know the directions, or make up a story about some strange outbreak of flesh-eating bacteria and direct them to the nearest tourist trap instead. In all instances, a real Vermonter will at the very least think "flatlander" if they don't caw it aloud with a hearty chuckle.

Now, the skateboarding question. I have a problem with this because I have personally seen all three of the answers occur, well, not the money part, but the writer so clearly has made that the highest scoring answer solely based on the nature of church street's performance crowd, that you almost have to pick that answer! When in reality, most people who skate down Church Street are trying to get away from the crowd. They are on their way to work, on the way to meet friends, or get a coffee. But, the truth of the matter is, if they didn't want people to see them, they would pick another route. If you are under age, and drunk, and have a skateboard, you might get arrested on Church street by certain police deputies. I've seen that. It made me lose what little respect I had for that group of public servants real quick. Yes. it's true. The most violent acts I've seen in Burlington were committed by the police force. And I've seen a lot of violence in such a small town. On the other hand, I've seen some awful situations that were helped greatly by the service of police.There are good cops and bad cops, it's true. The good cops are heroes. And the bad cops are worse than most "criminals", I believe. I digress.

So, there are some essential topics that have not been covered. For example: the Maple Syrup scare, when some underhanded sugarers were adding stuff to the syrup that didn't belong there. And cheese! Vote for your favorite and we can all judge each other based on our vote!!! Ice-cream, milk, favorite farmers market! Best pick your own berries, apples. Highest moose population, Vermont Accent interpretation. Vermont state car. Annual events! State rivalries! There is so much to take from for a REAL "How Vermont Are You" quiz. I'm calling for questions. When it seems complete, I promise, I will write it.